Monday:

Why don’t you research your genealogical history and pick up a custom of your people? Since I’m marginally Cornish, I’ve taken up tea and devouring pasties. Discover something new about yourself.

Tuesday: 

Why don’t you open a cookbook at random and make what’s on the page, no matter how vile it sounds? Even though the thought of it may be atrocious, you may discover that you love something new like okra. Okra isn’t awful.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you pick up a bad habit? Life can be so boring if you’re good all the time. I’ve recently started ordering Diet Coke when I’m out at restaurants — I like the fashionable connotations it has, plus I enjoy knowing I’m willingly consuming aspartame. I’m so dangerous! I’m even thinking of taking up tanning.

Thursday:

Why don’t you create new and eccentric Thanksgiving traditions like: not eating birds, not visiting family, sleeping in, going on vacation to the Caribbean, reading a book, or painting your doors a new color? I’m not a fan of this holiday. I don’t care much for the food, though I’ll never turn down good mashed potatoes.

Friday:

Why don’t you add more velvet pieces to you wardrobe? Elegant gentlemen are always wearing velvet jackets and I want in. I have an oxblood smoking jacket from years ago when I went as Douglas Fairbanks Jr. for Halloween, (I’m classy, if anything.) but it’s from when I was fat. I wonder if I can get it tailored? Tailors are truly magicians.