[Eddie and I are frozen. DAMN POLAR VORTEX. But, it’s absolutely thrilling to go to bed knowing that work has been delayed! THANK YOU, POLAR VORTEX. I’m obviously conflicted.]

Holla Flock!

Many blessings on you this fine afternoon. It’s been a while since I’ve begged alms. SEND TITHES, FLOCK! Your reverend is soon to be one of the happy poor. There is a difference between plain poor and happy poor, obviously, which I will get into with the sermon. If you are uncomfortable just sending me loads of cash for your own spiritual development, I can’t say I understand, but I will try and empathisize. Instead, feel free to purchase my reasonably priced novella, Haskell & Eudora, which is available for instant download on the Amazon Kindle store.

Now, let’s open up our hymnals and sing along to our old friend Gaga’s now classic tune, “Money Honey.”

Ah, your reverend loves him some Gaga whether it be modern Gaga or classic Gaga or any Gaga inbetween. Speaking of Gaga, she has a restaurant in New York. Maybe I’ll eat there when I GO TO NEW YORK in two months?

Yes, that’s right! Your reverend has booked his Spring Break trip. Months ago, I thought about visiting New Orleans because it’s warm and has beignets and lovely wrought iron balconies, but then I thought no. I decided I should be frugal since I’m going to Europe in June and am also going to attempt a quick jaunt over to Egypt whilst I’m away. I’ll make it work. I always make it work. Tim Gunn would adore me. Frugality is not a natural state for me, though. I understand the concept of saving money and I’ve done it successfully in the past. I just don’t care for it. What’s the point of sitting on a pile of money? It doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t give you any life experiences. No, money should be spent! Like Lewis J. Selznick (movie mogul) once said, “Spend it! Always be broke!” That’s a life lesson I’ve never forgotten. I might get it tattooed on me.

So, whilst I probably shouldn’t have spent the money to go on a trip, I did, and I could not be more pleased with myself. I’m taking a budget trip to NEW YORK CITY. I’m going to visit the Metropolitan Museum and spend the day wandering around all the ancient Egyptian treasures. I’m going to see a show on Broadway, perhaps A Gentleman’s Guide to Murder, it’s getting rave reviews. It’s a musical comedy about murder! Sounds good to me. I will dine at one of the restaurants in Eataly. I will devour cookies at Jacques Torres. I will obviously bump into Martha Stewart and we will become fast friends as I always knew we would be and she’ll invite me out to her Maine house, Skylands, this summer. We’ll go yachting and eat egg salad sandwiches on Balthazar bread on a picnic in Acadia National Park…sorry, got distracted daydreaming. I’ll walk down 5th Avenue and treat myself to a little something. I will wander the streets and take multiple photographs. I’ll have the most marvelous time! I always do.

The hotel I’m staying at is some reasonably priced place for hipsters. Slightly terrified of that — hipsters, you know? — but I’m up for it. It’s called The Jane and is housed in the sailor’s hotel where survivors from the Titanic were housed once they were brought to America. The rooms are minuscule and are designed to look like rooms on trains. There is no private bathroom, there are instead rather beautiful lavatories outside the room. It’s just like an old-fashioned hotel! Oh what fun I’ll have. Not really at the hotel, obviously, a hotel is just a place to sleep.

I can’t wait to go. I catch the train on the 16th of March. HOORAY for your reverend. HOORAY!

Anyway, the point of my sermon is: spend money if it makes you happy. Some people, and I know some of them personally, are more happy to have it in their bank accounts or locked away in their house. That’s not me and that might not be you. If getting away is what makes you happy. Do it. You’re going to die one way or the other; none of us are going to make it out alive. Once you’re dead, what will it matter if you saved a couple thousand dollars? Won’t it matter more that you had a fulfilling life full of exciting excursions? I think so.