Monday:

Why don’t you spend the day celebrating the oeuvre of one of the musical talents you love and haven’t heard in ages? Today, I’m listening to all of Amy Winehouse’s albums and I couldn’t ask for a finer Monday. She was such a talent. I miss her.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you buy a nice gallon of glossy black paint and redo all your interior doors? There is nothing so chic as a black door that harkens back to Queen Victoria’s mourning of her dear Albert. Black paint covers a multitude of sins.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you book your Spring Break trip to someplace with phenomenal food and world-class museums? Avoid the beaches for a change and hit up a big city with all its culture and learning. Your brain will thank you.

Thursday:

Why don’t you wash or polish all of your shoes and bring them back to their original luster? I don’t know why people don’t maintain their shoes. I was guilty of this for the longest time, but ever since my collection has expanded in an Imelda Marcos fashion, I’ve become more devoted to them. It’s lovely to have nice shoes.

Friday:

Why don’t you make a massive batch of puff pastry, cut it into desirable shapes, and freeze it for future usage? Won’t it be marvelous to bake up a wonderful Cornish pasty on a whim full of potatoes and cheddar and mushrooms and onions and thyme? It would be.