Holla Flock!

It is a very exciting day up here in the church since I have decided to incorporate a brand new tenant into our dearly beloved religion. Now, in addition to the usual (adopt kittens, marry homosexuals, visit your tailer regularly), I’m adding the following: FOLLOW THE PURSUIT OF WANDERLUST. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Now before we get into the sermon, open up your hymnals to the Indiana Jones theme song and hum along!

Oh, what fun we have!

Now, as you all know, the main struggle in my life is the fact that I can’t decide what I want to do with it. I have the irritating ability to be good at almost everything I try and there are few things that fail to interest me. The only subjects that tend to bore me are sport. I enjoy the power walking, but my fascination ends there. I’ve recently taken up an interest in rugby, thanks to this exquisitely illustrated article by Buzzfeed, but that interest has nothing to do with the sporting aspect, obviously. I could be a writer if they’d LET ME IN THEIR GODDAMN IVORY TOWER. I could be a top male model IF TYRA HADN’T SO RUDELY TURNED ME AWAY. I could be an Egyptologist IF I HADN’T FOOLISHLY GONE TO PASTRY SCHOOL. I could be a French teacher IF I HAD ACTUALLY GONE TO A REAL COLLEGE. I blame the world. It’s the world’s fault. It certainly isn’t my fault that I was born so damn fascinating.

Well, it finally occurred to me how I can most properly combine all my loves into one homogenous mixture. The proper career for me is an ADVENTURER. Oh yes, that does have an excellent ring to it, doesn’t it? It’s absolutely perfect. I can go around the world learning languages and exploring cultures. I can write about my travels, which is truly my real passion in life. There’s nothing I love more than narrating the exciting things I’ve done. I can take millions of pictures and slap them all over the Internet and curate a gorgeous Tumblr blog. I would grow lean and muscular from all the walking and life would be perfect. I’m not a sedentary person, I don’t like staying in one spot and letting my roots spread deep into the soil — no, I’d much rather float on the breeze from Bangkok to Cape Town to Prague to Vancouver to Buenos Aires to Kyoto to San Francisco to Honolulu to some wonderful little village in Transylvania. That’s the life I’d like.

When I pondered more heavily the subject of travel, it occurred to me that it is one of the finest thing a human being can do to better itself. Exploring different cultures is the best way of understanding the world. I know that I would surely be a different person if I’d never left the United States for extended periods of time. America is wonderful, but the world is wonderful, too. For the good of yourself and your spiritual development and the good of our nation, I implore you to get out and discover.

So, today, I initiate wanderlust pursuit to our religion, may Beysus bless us. Go out, Flock, explore, learn, experience, and understand. Travel will change you, it will sculpt you into something finer than you are. The experience is priceless and more valuable than any traditional education. In fact, I think a gap year should be mandatory for every graduating student. It’s so important to find yourself.

Go book some tickets, my dears!