Why Don’t You? #77



Why don’t you uproot an entire basil plant, one of those that have grown massive over the summer, wash the roots thoroughly, and then display the entire thing in a gigantic vase in your dining room or reception hall? The fragrance is amazing, and the looks are even better. Who needs flowers imported from the Netherlands when your garden is flourishing with gorgeous things you’re about to pull out?


Why don’t you buy a champagne stopper, a case of Veuve Clicquot, and enjoy a flute of champagne each evening? There’s nothing classier in the world, nothing more delicious, and nothing will make you merrier. I happily remember each glass I’ve ever had. They bring back glorious memories: tea in Chicago, a late dinner in London at Harvey Nichols, toasting new friends in Paris, or watching the Mediterranean waves roll in on a perfect Nice night. I love champagne so much. Enjoy it on the regular.


Why don’t you plan a trip to Egypt? It’s cheaper than it was when I went a year ago, and that’s saying something. I was eating like a king, literally, eating food prepared by the king of Saudi Arabia’s retired personal chef. That was one of the more bizarre moments in my life. It cost about $20. My five-star hotel cost $40/night. It’s down to $21 now. The flight from Chicago to Cairo is only $900. I suppose nobody is going right now because of ISIS and all the media’s negative reporting, so take advantage! (But don’t take advantage of the people because I love them dearly.)


Why don’t you plan a trip entirely around buying a pair of shoes? I have done this once in the past and am considering doing it again for Spring Break. (I really don’t think I can justify going all the way to Egypt for a week and then hope to do anything over the summer.) Back when I was fat and boring and just beginning to understand style, thanks to a book by Carson Kressley that made a huge impact on my life, I took the train from Paris to London to buy a pair of shoes at Topman. It’s a great story. I share it endlessly. This time, I want to take the train (or the plane) out to Los Angeles for a few days and pick up a pair of boots at the Saint Laurent shop on Rodeo Drive. That’ll be another great story, and that’s what I’m leaning towards for my first big trip of 2016.


Why don’t you learn a totally original party trick? Nobody is impressed by double joints anymore. Today I learned how to pull a book out of a washing machine. It turns out that there is a schematic manual hidden next to the drum of top-loading washers. I didn’t know that until a repairman stunned me by yanking it out. It may not sound interesting, but it was absolutely mesmerizing! I believe I squealed. Find a neat trick of your own, or steal mine, I’m not bothered if you do.

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