2015: A Reflection, Part 2/3

The middle of the year was hella busy, so get ready for scrolling.


  • It rained every day, so I could not plant my salad gardens. I was livid.
  • I continued a campaign on social media to raise awareness on why Paris Hilton is a national treasure. Nobody is taking me seriously.
  • It was finally hot enough to enjoy the outdoors, so I never went in. I drank cocktails in the vineyard. Ate cabbage steaks on the boardwalk. And I tanned so much that I’m going to have the ugliest skin in my old age.
  • I ate a literal ton of morel mushrooms. They were incredible.
  • I made an astounding philosophical discovery: a piece of cake can be an entire cake.
  • I was obsessed with my iris garden: IMG_4747
  • My favorite tree was hit by a tornado and decided to land on my reflecting pool. I’m still not over the pain. I’ve been working on that project for at least FIVE YEARS. All for nothing. UGH.
  • My beloved pet cat, Tiger, died. He was an angel, and I don’t want to think about it.
  • I had one of my annual mental breakdowns and was a phone call away from checking into a monastery for a few weeks. I’m better now, but that was a weird time.
  • Jessica and I watched Eurovision together for the first time since we saw it in Paris. Belgium was utterly robbed, but it was such fun!
  • I obsessively devoured The House of Mirth and added it to the list of books that are necessary reading to understand my personality. (The others are The Picture of Dorian Gray and D.V.)
  • I danced on stage with coworkers and then it was time for SUMMER BREAK!
  • Had a much needed squad reunion: IMG_4844
  • Edwin looked like this: IMG_4659


  • I was longing to be back in Egypt so I baked Egyptian bread, made Ful Medames, watched terrible documentaries, and smiled sadly at pictures of camels. I have to go back. Will I get there this year? Why not?
  • I watched Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time in years and yelled constantly at the archaeological malpractice.
  • I bought a bunch of floral print silk shirts from the women’s section of Goodwill and was living my best life.
  • All I wanted was a million chocolate donuts. Still do.
  • I decided that one of my dream jobs is being the social media person for a big museum. The Cairo Museum needs me desperately. I would have a great account and would use my expertise to make Egypt come alive for the world. Alas, their terrible Twitter person sends out blushing emojis in EVERY. SINGLE. TWEET. I would never.
  • I posted my most under appreciated joke ever on Father’s Day: “A guy called me daddy one time in the Castro, so this is also a special day for me.” I still laugh at that.
  • A stranger’s will shot out of my defunct printer, and that still concerns me tremendously. I’ve never solved that mystery.
  • I discovered RuPaul’s podcast and it changed my life. SUBSCRIBE.
  • I made it on the President’s List at my college for having a 4.0 and no life.
  • I completed the first draft of my next novel, On A Desert Wind, a prequel to the novella I released about immortal siblings. I love it. Can’t wait to release it this year. Fingers crossed for the spring.
  • I looked like this:



  • Edwin looked like this: IMG_4993


  • I have always intended to write an autobiography, and I started considering doing mine as a coffee table book with sumptuous photographs of my china collection as the catalyst for my life story.
  • Jessica and I flew off for my true American home, LOS ANGELES! We stalked Harry Styles all over town, ate at my favorite places: Potato Chips Deli, the Veggie Grill, the Chateau Marmont, and made a new favorite at Musso & Frank.
  • I was mistaken for Harry multiple times and ran down Runyon Canyon, which was a mistake.
  • I was reunited with my grumpy old woman at Schwartz Bakery, and I was beyond happy.
  • I worshiped at the altar of SAINT LAURENT, but withheld from buying anything. I regret this.
  • I gave an Egyptological lecture at LACMA about various methods of mummification, but then the staff asked me to stop just as I was getting into cheaper versions of corpse preservation. RUDE.
  • Sarah Paulson stalked Jessica and I at The Grove. It became an endless reference for us.
  • We were instantly obsessed with Quentin Tarantino’s revival theatre, the New Beverly Cinema, and fell madly in love with old Sherlock Holmes movies.
  • We took the Amtrak north and marveled at the view of the ocean and the intriguing people you always bump into on trains.
  • I was 25 feet from Harry’s golden boots at the One Direction concert in Santa Clara. It was a blessed day. And I was mistaken for Harry three times in three hours. #SUCHFUNIMG_5726
  • Jessica and I did not like our residence in San Francisco, so we upgraded to the Palace. Only four stars, but it could have been worse: IMG_5771
  • I went home for a little over twenty-four hours, bought a gigantic iPhone, and then snuck off to PARIS. IMG_0163
  • I ate an incredible number of pastries, nearly died of dehydration, buried the ashes of my Tiger in Père Lachaise, and made friends with two lovely Englishwomen and drank champagne all night.
  • I wept a bit as I said goodbye to Paris, and then I hopped on the train for a month in Nice.
  • It took me a few days to fully embrace the culture of Nice, but I finally got used to the heat, the rosé, Pierre Hermé macarons, and spending the afternoon on the beach two steps from my apartment. God, it was a magnificent summer. IMG_0300
  • I went to Villefranche-sur-Mer, the most gorgeous village in the world to research the years my grandmother spent living there in the 50s. I’ll be back a million times.
  • I looked like this: IMG_5842
  • And this: IMG_5451
  • And this! 11049612_10204708848549343_4231042628353027315_n
  • My darling Edwin stayed in America.


  • I quickly became a regular at Chez Betty, a cozy café in Villefranche where I sipped Perrier Menthe and worked on my novel. The proprietress, Madame Betty, became a friend and we chatted endlessly. I felt like a local. I was a local. IMG_1261
  • I got an incredible amount of research done, and I really soaked up the culture. For as close as it is to the fifth most populous city in France, Villefranche still feels like it’s in the fifties. I love everything about it.
  • Nice was too pretty. I was in love. IMG_0516
  • It was a million degrees, so I drank scalding hot mint tea like I did in Egypt. It helped.
  • I ate all the chocolate cakes in Nice and worshipped at H&M. The had a dedicated menswear shop with everything, and so many pieces looked like Saint Laurent knockoffs. I was in heaven.
  • My family came down for the day to visit, and we scattered Grandma Betty’s ashes in the cemetery next to her deceased lover. She would have been so pleased.
  • I took the train to Turin to celebrate my 26th birthday in Italy. I’m so old. I fell in love with the city nearly at once and the endless focaccia shops. It was magical. And Turin is filled with automats.
  • I spent the afternoon of my birthday at the Museo Egizio, the famous Egyptological museum where Champollion studied and Petrie constantly perused. It was restored beautifully, but there was such a crowd. Still, I’m so glad to have visited.
  • On the way back to Nice, a man jumped in front of my train, so I was stranded in the middle of the Italian countryside with angry people in a ghost town. To survive, I befriended a Swedish girl who spoke Italian and we formed a squad, hiding in the forest with our bread and cheap cigarettes. When we were rescued, I missed the last train to Nice by minutes, so I had to spend the night walking the streets of Ventimiglia. It was a nightmare, but such a good story. I smuggled myself back into Nice the next morning and spent the day in bed.
  • I spent the day in Monaco and had views such as these: IMG_1054 IMG_1055
  • My father sent me to a couple five-star hotels for my birthday gift, and I loved luxuriating in the famous Negresco and the sumptuous Palais de la Méditerranée where I had the finest dessert of my life. IMG_1221 IMG_1226
  • I said goodbye to Madame Betty, to my favorite restaurants, to the beach, and headed home to Paris where I wandered through the Louvre, dined at the Café de Flore, visited new museums, and wept leaving my favorite bakery.
  • After a champagne lounge in Dublin, I was back home.
  • Happily, though, I was reunited with the Olive Garden, which I had sincerely missed. IMG_1587
  • I had to go back to work. AND school. UGH.
  • Edwin looked like this: IMG_1615

It was quite a summer. I didn’t crawl through any tombs this time around, but I certainly had a great time learning more about the south of France. And anytime I’m in LA is a good time. I wonder what this summer will have in store? I already have a million bad ideas.

6 responses to “2015: A Reflection, Part 2/3

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