Monday:

Why don’t you spend some time going through social media and deleting people and groups that don’t bring you happiness? I was appalled the other day when I saw some people negatively posting about Target allowing transgendered people to use the bathroom. This is a marvelous thing, yet people are making jokes or insinuating that transgendered people are inherently pedophiles that want to molest children in a Target toilet. I am disgusted with the world, with society, with all of these effing half brains who scream without thinking. Get rid of them. You’ll feel better. Get rid of me if that makes you feel better.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you find a place in the world where you can live like real royalty? That is one of the many reasons that I love Luxor, Egypt. I’m treated like a prince at the Winter Palace. Hibiscus tea shows up from nowhere. I’ve literally never seen it delivered. It’s just there. My rooms are festooned with flowers. The staff is constantly waiting to give me whatever I need. I’m literally talking with my private driver right now, preparing an itinerary of ancient sites I need to see. Oh, it’ll be marvelous come August. I can’t afford to live this way at home, but in Egypt, I’m rich. Perhaps I’ll spend more than two weeks there next time?

Wednesday:

Why don’t you make your own cleaning supplies? Over the past few years I have grown more and more concerned about the number of chemicals and toxic materials I come into contact with. Still, I didn’t really think about it in my cleaning supplies. I thought they had to be good. Lol NOPE. So I’m incorporating vinegar and borax and lemon juice into my life and it works so well. I’m most impressed with the dishwasher tablets a friend and I made. They are totally natural, contain no harsh chemicals, and my dishes come out spotless. Each one costs pennies. Be green, reader.

Thursday:

Why don’t you think about your mortality and how little life you might have left? I’m in a morbid mood because of a health scare, but it’s really thrown me for a loop. It makes you think about how pointless everything is. Why waste your time doing something you don’t like? Why eat something that isn’t fabulous? Why not eat cake for breakfast? Why not go on a weekend trip? Why not buy a pair of Saint Laurent boots? Why not? You’re only going to live once, so be nice to others and treat yourself to whatever the hell you want. You deserve it.

Friday:

Why don’t you buy enough glasses to wear a new pair each day of the month? I used to have dozens, but as my prescriptions changed and my fashion sensibilities shifted, I’ve donated some and tossed others into the bin. They are absurdly cheap if bought through online retailers like Zenni Optical. That place changed my life. I need to go on an ordering spree. Maybe I’ll do that with my next paycheck. Or maybe I’ll wait to see if I have a brain tumor or eye trouble first. Lolz.