Why don’t you gather a highbrow magazine and sit down and read it cover to cover? I just finished reading the March issue of National Geographic and learned so many wonderful things. There was a fabulously beautiful article about the importance of trees. “Every tree tells a story, but some are beyond eloquent, holding memories, embodying belief, marking sorrow. We hold trees in our imagination, where they grow in strange, wonderful ways in forests inhabited by fantasy and also by our fears.” I could cry at how lovely words are sometimes.


Why don’t you fill your yard with bat nests? Other than cats (all of them, every single one) and camels and the occasional wonderful human, I think that bats are my favorite mammal. Did you know that they are the only mainland creatures to make it to Hawaii without being introduced by people? That had nothing to do with this post. I just keep thinking about how much I love their hairy bodies and leathery wings and weird little ears and how marvelous it would be to have them fluttering around my house after the sun goes down. In many ancient tombs and temples in Egypt, they would take off in great clusters when I disturbed them. It was magical to hear their fluttering wings and squeaking voices darting out of the recesses in Abu Simbel. I want dozens of bat nests. I think that’ll be one of my summer projects.


Why don’t you buy an abandoned home in the Deep South to escape to whenever you need? I often need to escape, I don’t know why. I’m oftentimes overwhelmed by the urge to disappear into the night. I think it’d be lovely to hit the road for a day and drive to my dilapidated home surrounded by trees laden with Spanish moss. I’d sit in the rich, thick heat, all alone, sipping whiskey sours and letting my mind wander, and it’d be utterly fabulous. I need this property more than ever! I might save up and add it to the real estate I need before I die: a Southern escape house, a Parisian apartment, and a Luxor villa. Ah life should be grander.


Why don’t you go to an art supply shop and grab things to become a master artist? I have recently been taken by the desire to create paintings of camels. I want to fill my home with paintings of camels in all scenarios. Camels at an oasis, camels by the ruins of a temple, camels clomping through a village, me riding a camel, a camel’s mouth up close, a camel strolling on the beach, camels in general. I love camels. This is going to be another of my summer projects, I think. I need to learn how to paint first, though…


Why don’t you preorder the new album by Harry Styles? Why don’t you preorder the CD version and the digital edition and the gorgeous vinyl edition? Why don’t you buy both the standard and limited edition releases? Why don’t you set up an altar in your bedroom dedicated to this angelic young man and his godly voice? Support my beloved Harry, beloved reader.

3 responses to “WHY DON’T YOU? #139

  1. Just sitting at Eataly in Chicago giggling at the Drunk Ina Garten instagram account. Surely you would have already heard of it – but just in case, CHECK IT OUT

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