LOVE:

Waking up rested

This morning, a bizarre thing occurred. My alarm went off at 5:15 this morning (I don’t remember setting it for such an unreasonable hour) and I woke up, felt marvelous, and began my day. I was wide awake and it was delightful. I tidied, I did my yoga, I watched part of a movie, I planned the perfect outfit, and I read a chapter of my book–all before leaving for work! It hasn’t happened again since, so I’m assuming it was some kind of fluke, I’ve never been a morning person and I have no desire to be one, I love the nightlife. Uh, oh, MANDATORY DANCE PARTY!

I also love the daytime. If I could choose, I would never sleep. Hopefully, though, I can wake up like this more often, it was remarkably relaxing to get things done in the morning.

Indochino

Ever since I had my tailor fit my insanely cheap Tommy Hilfiger shirt, I’ve become a clothing snob and only want to wear custom clothing. When I think about off the rack clothing now, I am rather appalled. I’m not a small or a medium, I am me! It’s ridiculous that you pay for something that only kind of fits you. Custom clothing is making a comeback, but it is only a minor one. We need to have tailors in every shop. Yes, it will be slower and yes it may be a bit pricier, but it’s so worth it to look good. I’m not sure where I first heard of Indochino, but I’m glad that I did. I’m not getting too deep into it right now, because I’m writing a lengthy post soon, but they are amazing. I ordered a burgundy blazer and I am stunned by it. The fit is perfect, the fabric is beautiful, it feels quality. I adore it. I wholeheartedly recommend this company.

Beggar’s Night

Never in all my life has a person once come to my house for trick or treat. That is one of the only tragedies of life in the country. That and the continual yardwork. So, for that reason, Halloween, my favorite holiday, has always been a bit depressing. I want to decorate my yard and turn it into a macabre wonderland. I would have a graveyard, a guillotine, corpses dangling from trees, I would have actors to play vampires and witches and mummies, I would pipe in eery music, I would hand out the best candies and treats–it would be wonderful. This year, Alison moved to town and finally had the opportunity to participate in Beggar’s Night–she always lived in the country, too. So, tremendously excited, I put on my Karl Lagerfeld costume and catwalked through downtown. I have never received so many looks–it is wonderful to be looked at. I freely admit that I looked marvelous, even if the wig was a bit out of control. Alison dressed as Honey Boo Boo, an inspired choice that she pulled off magnificently. Soon, six o’clock arrived and ecstatic with excitement we waited for the children. Where were they? Not many came, but it was still fun to pass out fistfuls of candy to children. Besides Alison and I looked fantastic, and it was more fun to see her than anything else.

Orange Juice

Though I am not, I think of myself as a Floridian native. It is much more logical to me that I was born beneath a palm tree on a beach. A muggy August day in Des Moines just doesn’t seem right, does it? Life would have been marvelous on the beach. I would have been happy every day. I would have sun bleached hair and a golden tan. I’d be more athletic and therefore have abs and already be a model. Instead, I’m skinny and pale with dark hair and occasionally melancholy. I need to move. So, whenever I drink orange juice, I think of that wonderful place with it’s wonderful towns and wonderful beaches and wonderful culture. Each sip makes me happy and I drink an awful lot of orange juice.

Madonna

I’m going to Minneapolis this weekend to go to IKEA and do a bit of shopping at the Mall of America. Little did I know that the Queen of Pop, the veritable Empress of Pop was going to be there at the same time as me! What a delightful discovery, many thanks to my aunt. I, of course, bought tickets and will be there on Sunday evening vogueing like an idiot. I don’t care, I’m going to enjoy myself. “M-D-N-A!” What does one wear to a Madonna concert, though? Black, probably. I’ll have to cobble something together tomorrow before I leave for the Cities. Hmmm…denim jacket, black shirt, black pants, Karl Lagerfeld gloves, very tall hair? I just don’t know. I can’t wait!

HATE:

Odd chest pain

I’m pretty sure I’m not dying of heart failure. Pretty sure. Bury me in Père Lachaise if I do die, if you have to smuggle my corpse into Paris, well, you’ll have to figure it out. You can find more information about what to do with my body in an earlier blogpost, I should post a “will blog.” That isn’t something you see every day! Anyway, I think I just pulled a muscle that I’ve never used before. Whatever it is, it is annoying. Ever so often, I’ll feel a dull pain on the left side of my chest, and I have a little panic attack. I beyond healthy, so I don’t get it. I exercise all the time, I barely touch alcohol, never look at cigarettes and I don’t eat meat. If I do have a heart condition, I am going to be pissed.

Wigs

Someday, I am going to be the worst drag queen ever. I will always be able to lipsynch for my life, but I hate wigs. In all honesty, though, I have only worn two wigs. One was fifty years old and the other one was a Lady Gaga wig that I had I manipulate to kind of look like Karl Lagerfeld’s hair. I paid only $15 for it, but for that price, I expected a bit of quality. What I got was a silver rat’s nest. I spent about an hour detangling it, smoothing it, trimming it, trying to figure out what to do with the bangs–Karl has his bangs swooped back and into his ponytail. It took some finagling and a ton of hairspray, but it looked alright. If I had bought a wig cap and a better wig, it would have been easier, I’m sure. Why don’t we have a Shh…It’s a Wig! here? We need that.

Tammie Brown Going Home

You’re probably well aware that I adore RuPaul’s Drag Race. It is the perfect competition series and I think it is also one of most heartwarming shows ever created with such a wonderful message of acceptance. I think drag queens are magical. They might be bitchy and fight amongst themselves, but they are such a warm and accepting people. I wish I had a drag family. I was very excited when Ru started talking about an All Star season. All Stars??? Does this mean my beloved Sharon is coming back? Well, no, Sharon declined, but so many other wonderful queens are on: Manilla Luzon, Latrice Royale, Pandora Boxx, Alexis Mateo, Raven, Jujubee, and my favorite all time: Tammie Brown! She is just deliciously insane! I absolutely adore her particular brand of crazy. She’s like Joan Crawford on crack and I love it. Anyway, she went home this week and that devastates me. I don’t know if she would have won, but she could have gone far. I am not a fan of the partner thing this season. Because of it we’ve lost both Tammie and Pandora and that is simply unacceptable. Can I get a Ru-Ha?

Rancid Nuts

There is nothing worse than having a delightful handful of roasted and lightly salted peanuts, only to discover that one of them is rancid–particularly after you have bitten into it and the horrible flavor overwhelms your senses. Just vile. Oh well, I’ll always buy more. Now that I think of it, though, I’ve never had a rancid nut in France. What magic is this? They have the very best peanuts for sale. I gorge on them. I can’t wait to do so again when I’m back in Europe in two weeks. Don’t be too jealous, though you really won’t be able to help it.

My blindness

I have terrible vision. It is my greatest curse. I wish I could see, but I cannot. When I wake in the mornings, I only see a blurry nothing, just colors and vague shapes. It is endlessly depressing. After I fumble around for my glasses, I can finally see, but it’s just not the same as waking up with perfect vision. I’ve taken to wearing contact lenses lately as it is the closest I can get to natural vision without having my eyes chopped up and shot with a laser. I will do it eventually, I’ve no doubt about that, but at the moment, I’m quite frightened and poor. I’ll stick to contacts. There is a brand that says you can wear them for an entire month without removing them. I’m intrigued. I’m dubious, but I’d like a sample. Somebody send me some? Anyway, I recently bought some new glasses from www.warbyparker.com and had to pay an additional $30 because I needed to have a special lens! Madness. They’re beautiful glasses, though, so I’m not awfully bothered. They should be here in a week.