Faux Tumblr: Installment 9

More pictures I can’t control myself from saving! Enjoy, reader!

9230-6Marlene Dietrich at the funeral of her good friend, my beloved Édith Piaf. It would have been amazing to wander through Père Lachaise with all the other mourners, wailing over our Édith.

943309_472700346145685_2020511193_nOh, please come true! I’d pass out. I’ll campaign for her. I’ll make phone calls. I’ll bother people with emails. I’ll dry clean her pantsuits. I’ll take Bill out to dinner so that she can work on the campaign. I’ll do anything!

7754183926_549c19afb7_hThis is my dream home. Well, one of my dream homes. I’ve always known that someday I’ll have a chateau of some kind. It’ll probably be in the English countryside. I’ve not yet explored the French country, which I’m ashamed of. I need to do that. Perhaps next year when I’m in Paris?

anigif_enhanced-buzz-17849-1373406707-31Me, all the time.

b320f790fa8a2456_largeGloria Swanson in the ruins of a stunning movie palace that showed one of her premieres. She was magnificent!

cr-lion-poster-copyLions are such beautiful creatures! I was so glad to hear that there is now another foundation working to protect them.

DSC06894If Martha wrote me a note, I’d just die. If I went to Skylands, I’d die! Why haven’t I met Martha, yet? I just don’t understand why she hasn’t adopted me.


Photo on 6-24-13 at 2.01 PMWhy’d you have to go break my heart, Zayn? You don’t have to marry that woman. I know you think she makes you happy…but it’s an illusion. How can you have forgotten that special night in Vegas when we met? It was August the sixth, we were surrounded by screaming preteens. You wore an attractive grey shirt and jeans, but I wasn’t looking at them. I was looking deep into your eyes as you gazed into mine, taking my breath away. I’ll wait for you.

tumblr_inline_mf7vrfm2KE1rba51sAlso me.

tumblr_ly5xrsGDWF1qbsne0o1_500Me on the weekends with a lovely gin and tonic. I refrain from smoking. I like the smell of cigarettes, but don’t really want anything to do with them.

tumblr_m0ioea6lOb1r1c3jbo1_500Shimmying with Dolly would be a dream come true. We’d sing “Jolene” and talk about her boobs and she’d make me cry by singing me “Me and Little Andy” then lift my spirits by singing “White Limozeen.” Oh, what fun we’d have!

tumblr_m6c6ubgHPq1qks7x5o1_500Me at work.

tumblr_mbgb92FRWK1rtgzofo1_500What I thought California would be like. Sadly, it wasn’t. Nicole didn’t offer to drink and drive with me when I saw her. I didn’t throw bleach on pool tables. I didn’t twerk up and down Melrose. I just wandered around.

tumblr_mbx0tf8chg1rb0iwco1_500I’d consider this tattoo. I like maps and going places.

tumblr_mgoanfpX2z1rp5nlao1_400Well, I do, so I will. Do you sleep naked? It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I started when I moved to Paris the first time and I’ve never gone back to being swaddled in pajamas. I can’t do it now. I feel like I’m being suffocated. I live for fashion in the day, but as soon as I’m in my bed…no.

tumblr_mltxo7v0aE1snk1roo1_400This has happened to me. More times than I can count.

tumblr_mn9xmlFcWE1qfaioqo1_1280I will have a library just like this in my future home. I’m working on something now. I won’t have an impressive library for years, but still, it’s a goal.

tumblr_mnk902l6tZ1s75wrgo1_500OH MY GOD! I WANT TO PET HIM!

tumblr_mob1usVlm81rcsa2po1_500I’d do this if I could find a pair of heels that fit my giant feet.

tumblr_mol8pbvI781qkgmgko9_500Why didn’t we do this in high school? It would have been #amazeballs.

tumblr_mphf85Tg1x1rrv6l2o1_500DEAD. Nothing is better than kittens!

tumblr_mqbke5CfZW1swhhsho1_500Me, every day at 3:30.

tumblr_mqd0ujshl71rlz1bmo6_500I don’t know how often I’ve watched this GIF. Zayn dances just like me!

tumblr_ms598ezjc11s1szpho1_250This GIF of Gaga may well be my favorite image of all time. I’ve also done this with doors to shops. Doors to houses. Doors to school. Doors to cars. Why open your own when there are peasants willing and able?

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