An ANTM Reject Reacts: Cycle 20 – Episode 7

As you may remember from my previous posts, I really don’t want to do these anymore. I feel obligated, as always, and so I’m going to do a recap of the latest episode. There are a hundred things I’d rather bother myself with, I’d rather mow the lawn, I’d rather go to prison, I’d rather be whipped. Le grand sigh… Alright, I’m sat here with a big plate a ratatouille. Here we go.

Guess who’s narrating this week? I AM, BITCHES:


You’re welcome for that, peasants!

  • Cory won “best video.” Do you understand why this upsets me?
  • Can I turn it off, yet?gifpal-20130910224959
  • Chris is telling Nina about how much he loves her. Can we be done?
  • Can’t they just put all their genitals away?
  • My ratatouille is amazing. I should blog about it.
  • Sweet Jesus there are five hundred hours of commercials.
  • “I feel like all the boys are sticking together!” I guess they forgot that everybody here is a slut and they won’t leave each other alone.
  • Also, how are group bubble baths not awkward. I’d be all… “what?”
  • Ralph Waldo Emmerson’s granddaughter or something is on the show and she’s a “fashion designer.” Poor Ralph.gifpal-20130910230431
  • Guys, I can’t.
  • In this episode we talk about how Phil has ADHD every two seconds, never mind, every second.
  • They’re doing random acts of modeling…will you please kill me?
  • They’re taking “Flixels” and screaming about how good they are! Guys. No.
  • “There’s a lot of chiefs, but not enough Indians.”
  • Every time they take a picture, they jump and scream. Why can’t there be an Internet outage?
  • This is a competition, guys! Who knew?
  • Also, Phil has ADHD! Did you know?gifpal-20130910230336
  • CHRIS, of all people, is telling us how eccentric Phil is.
  • Phil is throwing a rock at a fence which breaks the fence. How strong is he? Or more importantly, how weak is that fence?
  • I’m eating a tin of European chocolate to deal with my angst.gifpal-20130910224823
  • Who is Kanani and why does she have so much screen time?
  • One team forgot to actually use the clothing of the Emerson brand. For real, you guys.
  • They’re fighting over sighing.
  • Chris feels like he’s being attacked. This as he’s screaming at everybody for no reason. Oh yeah, somebody sighed.gifpal-20130910232522
  • More about Weight Watchers. Stop it. Just stop eating shit, fatties. Weight loss is #toteseasy, you don’t need to pay for crap, just eat more vegetables, less meat, more water, and walk a bit. It’s not rocket science.
  • Somebody is afraid of clowns, so all the guys are shirtless and going to traumatize her with some clown robot. Where do they get this shit?
  • Cool your tits about the clown, Kanani girl. This is stupid. She’s sucking on an inhaler because of a clown doll.gifpal-20130910224915
  • Tyra’s got an obsession with nail art, guys.
  • So, everybody has to do nail art.
  • This show is so stupid. There is no point to male models if they are constantly doing female stuff. I don’t get it.
  • Chris looks completely different in profile, he shouldn’t ever leave profile.gifpal-20130910232802
  • “I want you to feel like you’re a bird!”
  • Why can they not take pictures that are real pictures? Why this constant nonsense. Why? WHY??????????
  • Franco Lacosta says to Nina, “I hate your mouth.”
  • Did they hire him because he’s horrible?
  • Sweet Buddha, this Chris and Nina shit is driving me out of my mind. Why do I do this to myself?
  • Cory has Tyra faces all over his nails.
  • Look guys, I can do it too! gifpal-20130910225644
  • Everybody is distracted by somebody else. Please.
  • Franco demands silence from the idiotic models. If I had made it on the show, I would have prayed I’d have been sent home by this point. I can’t deal.
  • “The theme of my shoot was Pot Ledom…which is Top Model backwards.”gifpal-20130910233206
  • Kanani is having a hard time because she’s anxious about the clown doll that she saw the other night. For real! I can’t. Where do they get these fools? (BTW, fools is the friendliest term I could think of.)
  • Skull Mail! This means they all have to do spirit fingers?
  • Guys…somebody gets eliminated. They honestly look super, super shocked, like I’m not kidding. They’re so dumb!
  • I’ve stopped listening, I’m just having fun making GIFs of myself.gifpal-20130910230657
  • Can we just take a minute to talk about how good I look in black and white and the great crime against the world that was committed when I wasn’t cast on this travesty of a show?
  • Phil looks way too feminine in his face, the judges say — yeah, with his full beard.
  • Tyra is talking Spanish in that horrible way that non native speakers do with way too much enunciation.gifpal-20130910233547
  • Phil, Jeremy, and Kananai are in the bottom three and weeping.
  • Now Marvin is crying…so many tears. Let’s recap my eventual ANTM exit. “What? Did you leave my picture on the printer? I didn’t lose ANTM, Miss Tyra, ANTM lost me!” *spin, finger raised, hair flip* “CIAO, BITCHES!”
  • Kanani fell to the ground when she was eliminated and Tyra didn’t even blink. It was amazing. “Pissed off ain’t you?” Oh, Tyra, you so real!
  • “I’m sorry about the clowns.”gifpal-20130910231705

Sweet Allah, this show is shit. Not the shit, just shit! What ever happened? I used to love it so much!

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