An ANTM Reject Reacts: Cycle 20 – Episode 7

As you may remember from my previous posts, I really don’t want to do these anymore. I feel obligated, as always, and so I’m going to do a recap of the latest episode. There are a hundred things I’d rather bother myself with, I’d rather mow the lawn, I’d rather go to prison, I’d rather be whipped. Le grand sigh… Alright, I’m sat here with a big plate a ratatouille. Here we go.

Guess who’s narrating this week? I AM, BITCHES:

You’re welcome for that, peasants!

Cory won “best video.” Do you understand why this upsets me?
Can I turn it off, yet?
Chris is telling Nina about how much he loves her. Can we be done?
Can’t they just put all their genitals away?
My ratatouille is amazing. I should blog about it.
Sweet Jesus there are five hundred hours of commercials.
“I feel like all the boys are sticking together!” I guess they forgot that everybody here is a slut and they won’t leave each other alone.
Also, how are group bubble baths not awkward. I’d be all… “what?”
Ralph Waldo Emmerson’s granddaughter or something is on the show and she’s a “fashion designer.” Poor Ralph.
Guys, I can’t.
In this episode we talk about how Phil has ADHD every two seconds, never mind, every second.
They’re doing random acts of modeling…will you please kill me?
They’re taking “Flixels” and screaming about how good they are! Guys. No.
“There’s a lot of chiefs, but not enough Indians.”
Every time they take a picture, they jump and scream. Why can’t there be an Internet outage?
This is a competition, guys! Who knew?
Also, Phil has ADHD! Did you know?
CHRIS, of all people, is telling us how eccentric Phil is.
Phil is throwing a rock at a fence which breaks the fence. How strong is he? Or more importantly, how weak is that fence?
MORE COMMERCIALS.
I’m eating a tin of European chocolate to deal with my angst.
Who is Kanani and why does she have so much screen time?
One team forgot to actually use the clothing of the Emerson brand. For real, you guys.
They’re fighting over sighing.
Chris feels like he’s being attacked. This as he’s screaming at everybody for no reason. Oh yeah, somebody sighed.
COMMERCIAL.
More about Weight Watchers. Stop it. Just stop eating shit, fatties. Weight loss is #toteseasy, you don’t need to pay for crap, just eat more vegetables, less meat, more water, and walk a bit. It’s not rocket science.
Somebody is afraid of clowns, so all the guys are shirtless and going to traumatize her with some clown robot. Where do they get this shit?
Cool your tits about the clown, Kanani girl. This is stupid. She’s sucking on an inhaler because of a clown doll.
Tyra’s got an obsession with nail art, guys.
So, everybody has to do nail art.
This show is so stupid. There is no point to male models if they are constantly doing female stuff. I don’t get it.
Chris looks completely different in profile, he shouldn’t ever leave profile.
“I want you to feel like you’re a bird!”
Why can they not take pictures that are real pictures? Why this constant nonsense. Why? WHY??????????
Franco Lacosta says to Nina, “I hate your mouth.”
Did they hire him because he’s horrible?
Sweet Buddha, this Chris and Nina shit is driving me out of my mind. Why do I do this to myself?
Cory has Tyra faces all over his nails.
Look guys, I can do it too!
Everybody is distracted by somebody else. Please.
Franco demands silence from the idiotic models. If I had made it on the show, I would have prayed I’d have been sent home by this point. I can’t deal.
“The theme of my shoot was Pot Ledom…which is Top Model backwards.”
Kanani is having a hard time because she’s anxious about the clown doll that she saw the other night. For real! I can’t. Where do they get these fools? (BTW, fools is the friendliest term I could think of.)
Skull Mail! This means they all have to do spirit fingers?
Guys…somebody gets eliminated. They honestly look super, super shocked, like I’m not kidding. They’re so dumb!
I’ve stopped listening, I’m just having fun making GIFs of myself.
Can we just take a minute to talk about how good I look in black and white and the great crime against the world that was committed when I wasn’t cast on this travesty of a show?
Phil looks way too feminine in his face, the judges say — yeah, with his full beard.
Tyra is talking Spanish in that horrible way that non native speakers do with way too much enunciation.
Phil, Jeremy, and Kananai are in the bottom three and weeping.
Now Marvin is crying…so many tears. Let’s recap my eventual ANTM exit. “What? Did you leave my picture on the printer? I didn’t lose ANTM, Miss Tyra, ANTM lost me!” *spin, finger raised, hair flip* “CIAO, BITCHES!”
Kanani fell to the ground when she was eliminated and Tyra didn’t even blink. It was amazing. “Pissed off ain’t you?” Oh, Tyra, you so real!
“I’m sorry about the clowns.”