Monday:

Why don’t you take an oddly refreshing jaunt out in the snow? I did this yesterday and had an unsettlingly good time on a four-mile walk through the wintry countryside. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you start using metric measurements everywhere everyday? Metric is so much more reasonable than the nonsense we use here in America. Units of 10? Yes, please, thank you very much. Impossible to understand inches and feet? No thank you.

Wednesday:
Why don’t you gallop everywhere in a Miranda Hart fashion? I’ve been doing this a lot lately and I have enjoyed myself tremendously. Why do you have to act like a mature adult all the time? I’d lose my mind if I did; there’s no fun in conformity, my dears.

Thursday:

Why don’t you order a bunch of clothes online to help you emulate your favorite singer? I’m currently working on recreating the Harry Styles look, just got the tight black pants yesterday. Considered wearing a bandana to work today but decided against it, maybe next week.

Friday:

Why don’t you spend the day making giant tubs of ice cream to binge eat later whilst sitting on the couch watching old British television programs? I am a firm believer in excess. Gorge on dessert and Anglophilic humour. (Note the “u.”)