Why don’t you treat yourself by going to your favorite haute couture boutique and getting something? Honestly, nothing feels better than buying yourself a present. On Monday, I went to Chanel to pick up a new bottle of Pour Monsieur, my favorite cologne. It’s expensive, but it lasts a long time, and I have so many fond memories whenever I catch a whiff of that fragrance. Besides the joy of getting something new, it’s always fun to be treated like a socialite when you shop at places like that. It’s my favorite part.
Why don’t you make an egg salad sandwich and cover it with gold foil? Nothing in the world is as chic as eating something with gold foil. I would eat a store-bought cookie if you put gold foil on it. That little wisp of gold can instantly transform the mundane and the common into something resembling true opulence. I have a bit of gold leaf left and I think I know where it’s going — mixed into my egg salad. It’s going to be so pretty. I’m going to feel so damn fancy.
Why don’t you buy a variety of high quality prints of paintings that you like and hang them on your stairwell as a kind of gallery? There are so many Impressionist paintings that I admire, and even more that are done in Classical style; Le Lion de Florence is a particular favorite. It’d be so charming to look at a nicely grouped collection of art as I stumble down the stairs and get ready for work. Art makes the world a better place. There’s some horrible quote that says, “Earth with art is just Eh.” I laugh every time.
Why don’t you write a petition and picket Jordan Creek Town Center until they get an H&M? It is a crime against humanity that I can’t buy affordable fashions in my own state. I should not have to go to Chicago or Minneapolis to look stunning without breaking the bank. I mean, yeah, we have the GAP, but it’s not the same thing. When I was in Chicago on Monday, I realized just how desperate Des Moines needs their own store. It’s time. Listen to me, people!
Why don’t you send me a bucketful of cash so that I can successfully sue whatever Hollywood studio is responsible for Age of Adaline? I am thoroughly convinced that the inspiration for the story and several pivotal storylines came from my delightful (and reasonably priced) novella! An immortal woman who’s cells “are frozen forever in youth.” I was screaming after I discovered this. SCREAMING, reader! I demand justice for my creative and intellectual rights. Now, I need to see the film first, but I am sure that I will be forcibly removed from the theater for my mental breakdown.