Monday:

Why don’t you have your DNA analyzed? I know we’ve discussed this before, but it’s been such fun. Many people aren’t completely sold on the science yet and different services might showcase different results, but I really don’t care. Because of the World Cup — some sporting event where attractive men run around in shorts — 23 & Me made these profile pictures that show your support for your genetic teams. One of mine was for Iran. I never knew I had anything remotely Iranian in me. I feel like a long lost Middle Eastern prince right now!

Tuesday:

Why don’t you take a moment to clean out your car? I’ve owned three vehicles in as many years and never once did I clean one. I mean they weren’t all that messy, but dust and gravel and an alarming amount of donut crumbs do pile up. So last night I took an hour and vacuumed and wiped and scrubbed and now it looks new. I don’t think I’ve ever sweat more. I feel so much more relaxed now when I’m driving around. I cannot stand filth. 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you research the etymology of words? I have a great love for languages, so learning the origins of what we say is tremendously pleasurable to me. I’m in a language acquisition class for my teaching license, and I am gasping regularly in shocked delight. For example, island is a bastardization of i land, a native English noun, which is something I ever knew actually excited! Aside from our important philological additions to the vernacular like turnt and bae and LIT…obvi. Anyway, learn the origins of language, reader! 

Thursday:

Why don’t you, when the time comes, fill your lawn with flower bulbs? Plant them absolutely everywhere. Then the next time you worry that winter will never disappear, you can scamper past your snowdrops and crocuses and know that soon the irises will fill the garden and the lilacs will burst forth. Or, if you’re anything like me you’ll find a bag of bulbs rotting in your basement that you really did mean to plant…seven years ago the receipt I found in the bag said. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

Friday:

Why don’t you start my favorite diet plan, intermittent fasting, again with me? I’ve been meaning to do better for a couple months now. And Mexico City is only a week away lol so it’s too late to get a hot bod before then. I’ve felt gross, so I’m starting this up again. I only eat from noon to eight in the evening. And I eat whatever I want in the amount I want, which is a blessing, before fasting for the next sixteen hours. I don’t know why it works for me but it does. I always feel so much healthier. 

[By the way, this will be the last installment of this blog series until probably September. I’m off for Mexico City in a week, so we will return to my true passion, travel writing. Adios.]