Monday:

Why don’t you listen to the latest hits from around the world on Apple Music? I didn’t realize there was a top bops chart divided up by nation, but now I’m obsessed. That’s not what it’s called, but I don’t know what it’s called. I’ve had a stupid amount of fun finding new music. I don’t know what they say most of the time, but German rap is a bop. French pop is almost unintelligible but it’s a vibe. I’ve even gone deeper and found obscure rock music from the 70s in the Middle East that is weirdly addictive. This time, I get like MAYBE two words per song if Allah is looking upon me with favor, but those beats are bopping. There’s so much online, get exploring; you have no excuse to be culturally illiterate these days!

Tuesday:

Why don’t you grow all the tomatoes that you possibly can? In theory, I love gardening, and in practice, I usually enjoy it. I’ve never had a great garden though because normally I fly away to Africa and ignore it until I get back months later. But you know…pandemics and all that for another year running. (Isn’t this dumb!) Anyway, instead of being renowned for a varied and sensational garden, I seem to grow one or two sensational plants. This is rewarding and allows me to really learn all about a certain variety. Last year was all about sunflowers. I grew a couple hundred of them and studied their growth and it was a delight. This year I’m doing fifteen different types of tomato. I like tomatoes, not crazy about them or anything but I enjoy them, so if all things go right, I’ll have thousands of perfectly ripe tomatoes that I’ll be begging you to take off my hands this summer. Get excited. I am. 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you watch The Graham Norton Show on the BBC? It’s a weekly chat show that’s endlessly charming, funny, and a delight to watch. Graham is immensely witty and draws out an unexpectedly fun spirit from his guests. Almost every episode features a live performance by wonderful musicians, people get flung out of a red chair, and celebrities have a different vibe than they do on American television. It’s really a treat to watch Graham on Friday nights. I used to watch it regularly when I had normal cable growing up, but when I switched to streaming, I kind of forgot about it…and Graham had grown a beard that I wasn’t into but now I’m fine with…and then I saw it while scrolling around. It was like finding an old friend again. 

Thursday:

Why don’t you treat yourself to a new nonstick skillet? It doesn’t have to be tremendously expensive because I’ve never found a quality nonstick skillet worth investing in. They are going to get scratched somehow, things are going to eventually stick to certain areas, the handle might rust inexplicably. They’ll call themselves dishwasher safe but that begins to wear down the nonstick lining, but I absolutely refuse to wash them by hand. Never! I can’t go back to that. Inevitably, you’ll be forced to retire the pan when it becomes useless and mocks your culinary efforts, but still, for those few honeymoon months, when eggs fall out of the pan without oil or butter or even a tool, you feel like god and it’s well worth spending $30 every year. 

Friday:

Why don’t you install a home theater simply to watch the news? I might have too much time on my hands because, well, just wait until you read some of the suggestions in the next installment. I’m always getting off track. Anyway, I *accidentally* bought a projector and a theater screen and some kind of mount that looks like a torture device from the Spanish Inquisition. I watched The Rachel Maddow Show like I was an ant looking at a television. It was HUGE. Ten feet wide. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like a MILLIONAIRE. It was stupid. My neck was worn out from all the looking I had to do, and I’m not joking. I was exhausted after a movie and felt like an idiot. It’s so much fun and everybody needs a wall of their house that is a screen.