LOVE:

Press’n Seal Plastic Wrap:

I have a deep and true hatred for plastic wrap. It’s the worst thing in the world. It’s the stupidest invention of all time. Why on earth would this almost completely useless product be so well established? Maybe it’s just me? I can’t use it. Whenever I peel off a piece to cover a bowl of bread dough or to drape over rising croissants, I immediately begin cursing as soon as the effing stuff sticks to itself and causes my blood pressure to rise tremendously. Then, I have to spend minutes (these add up, you know?) de-clinging the cling wrap before throwing it away and trying again. I recently found a roll of something called Press’n Seal wrap in my drawer and my life has been completely changed. It doesn’t stick to itself, unless you want it to, and it actually sticks to the bowls you wrap it around. It is heavenly! I was making some ciabatta yesterday and ripped off a square that stayed a square, pressed it to the edges of the bowl and sighed contentedly. No more work was necessary. It just worked. It was as if Apple designed Saran Wrap. Except, if Apple had done so, it would have had a much better name. Press’n is just so démodé.

Timehop:

Timehop is an app for iOS that I wasn’t sure I would be terribly interested in when I first read about it, but I’m now obsessed. It goes back through your posts on Facebook and Twitter and any other social media you might use and each day shows you what you posted in years past on the same day. It’s such fun to see what I was complaining about four years ago or realize just how awful this year’s weather is compared to last year’s, or remember the places I’ve been and the books I’ve read and the movies I’ve seen. It’s like rereading your diary, which is always a bit embarrassing, but necessary for pulling your memoirs together. I’m thinking of putting together a memoir. Not sure what memories to put in my memoirs as of yet, but I’m sure there are a few hundred pages of witty recollections in me somewhere. I’m not the reincarnated Oscar Wilde for nothing! (Just something I say, though it might be true — who can say?) Back to the app, though, it’s fun! I recommend it. My only irritation, and it’s a frequent one, there’s not a version of the app made for the iPad, and I hate when iPhone apps are just stretched bigger. Drives me mad. My Timehop just arrived! Last year I ate an Ugli fruit today! I love Ugli fruit!

NYC on Apple’s Map App:

Everybody hates this program, and I believe that they do so with reason, but I’ve enjoyed it tremendously after the latest edition when they eschewed Google. People get lost and things don’t seem to be labeled all that well, but it is so damn pretty! I love to open up to a street I know well in Paris and then go exploring and noting places I need to see with my own eyes. I dreamt of Paris last night. It was good to be back. Too bad it wasn’t real. I’ve started doing research on New York City, since I’ve decided to go there this summer for some amount of time. I don’t know yet if it will be for a week or a month but I will definitely go. So, when I started exploring with the map program, I was thunderstruck by how awesome it was. The whole city is in 3D and you can fly anywhere and look at anything and it’s like looking out a window onto the city below. I’m kind of obsessed. I see myself wasting lots of time today zooming around Manhattan and Little Italy. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of Little Italy and all the ethnic districts. I love ethnic places — so many new pastries to try! Also, this has nothing to do with anything, but there is a Jacques Torres shop that I have been dying to try and I can’t wait to go get one of his famed chocolate chip cookies.

Japanese Pan Noodles @ Noodles & Company:

I vividly remember the first time I visited one of my favorite fast food restaurants, Noodles & Company, at the Mall of America years ago. I was nervous about it and not all that enthusiastic about visiting, because I used to be a picky bitch back then, but it was soooooo good! When they finally opened up in Des Moines, I was one of the happiest people alive. Now, there are even more of them — another in Des Moines and one in Ames! Such a good time to be alive! I used to stick to one of the Italian specialties or the mushroom stroganoff, which they don’t make any more — a fact that pisses me off to no end. It was magnificent! So, then, once my taste buds had decided to be daring, I ordered one of the Asian inspired dishes and haven’t looked back since. I am now obsessed with Japanese Pan Noodles! They are so freaking good. I don’t get the broccoli because broccoli is…you know…disgusting, and instead get sesame tofu. Sweet Allah, it is heavenly. I like to watch my figure and all, but I can’t help buying the regular portion and getting an order of soup and also getting garlic bread and a drink and if I bought one of their salads, I would get one of those too, but so far I’ve not sampled that. Good God, I am so hungry right now, I’m dreaming of those caramelized noodles.

Yma Sumac:

I first heard of Yma Sumac a while ago when Dita Von Teese posted something about a sale of her dresses on Twitter. I did a bit of research and found her intriguing, but never listened to her music for some reason. Well, I have started and I cannot stop! On last week’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Jinkx and Detox had to lipsync for their lives to Yma’s song “Molambo No. 1,” and it was genius. One of the best performances on the entire show so far in my opinion, and David Sedaris agrees, by the way, we discussed it the other night. Anyway, Yma was a Peruvian singer who claimed to be descended from Incan royalty. She sings in a mixture of grunts and opera and it is magnificent. Listen to a few examples.

HATE:

Tucking In Shirts:

This shirt is custom.

I love wearing a tucked in shirt. It looks smart and the peasants get to see how thin I am. Sadly, for me and my many admirers, mass produced shirts available in the stores today betray us and make us look unseemly, especially in the back where all the excess fabric bunches up. I’m wearing a shirt like that and I’m so annoyed. Last year, I had one of my favorite shirts custom fitted at the tailor and that was some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Look how dashing I look in that selfie. I just pull my pants up over the shirt and that’s it! No unnecessary work at all and no bunching. It’s heaven. I need to just cough up the cash and have the rest of my shirts done, or just do it myself. It can’t be that hard, you’re just putting in a new seam along the side, I believe. Poorly tucked shirts are the end of civilization.

Dish Washing:

I told you how I was promised a dishwasher for my birthday — eight months ago, right? Still not here. No effort has been made into procuring me a dishwasher. I find this very rude. You don’t just tease somebody with a gift and then not deliver. It’s cruel and distasteful. My life would be so much better with a dishwasher. I absolutely hate washing them by hand. It is not hard and it is not all that time consuming, but I hate taking the time to move a pile from one side of the counter to the other. I ain’t got time for that. I have more important things to do than wash dishes. In fact, my utter abhorrence for washing up has oftentimes put me off of baking and cooking just because I knew I’d have to wash the bowls and molds and spatulas later. This (I hope not) feigned birthday gift is stifling my creativity. It’s the worst.

Rivet Style Buttons:

I don’t know what the actual term is for these buttons, but I have the worst luck in the world with them. That’s not strictly true, I have one pair of button fly pants that have survived everything. But, these pants that I buy from Target, which I’m getting sick of because they never fit me just right, have, I think, the world’s cheapest buttons. I can’t stand them, I feel like they will fly off each time I go to fasten my pantaloons together and that’s not exactly a comforting thought. Yesternight (a real word), I had the most adorable ensemble put together, but as I put my pants on, the button came off. No reason for this, just shoddy craftsmanship. I’m not fat. I need to buy better pants. I’ve been reading about a company called Bonobos that are supposed to be a godsend for men’s pants, so I’ll have to order a pair, even though they are a bit expensive. I’ve never been bothered by expensive things, though. People adore them, so I’ll give it a go. Next paycheck perhaps? I had to use my last one to finish paying off my impromptu trip to Florida — worth it. I still have a bit to pay off from Europe last year, so I’ll probably pay that off in a couple weeks. Then I need to start saving for my summer trip to New York…but unless you go to Fire Island, you need pants, so I’ll get a pair of those pants. But, anyway, I hate those rivet style buttons. Give me a sewn on button any day!

Gelatin:

Gelatin is gross. Even if I weren’t a vegetarian, I would have issues. Why would you want to jelly something using ground up horse hooves and skin and bones? Can I get an eeeeew? I am disgusted by how frequently I find it listed in ingredient lists and in recipes. You can make a mousse very easily without it, so why do so many recipes insist you have it? Drives me mad! I’ve been looking for a good raspberry mousse recipe but have not yet been able to find one that doesn’t use gelatin. I have a sachet of agar agar powder in my kitchen, but I’m not familiar with it, so I’m going to have to experiment with it. The recipe I wanted to try with it requires the gelatin to be soaked in lemon juice, but I guess agar agar doesn’t react well with lemon juice, so screw that. Le sigh…why can’t everything just be vegetarian? It would cure global warming and people would be healthier. Besides, meat is gross. I ate it for years, but now all I see is a carcass. What compels people to eat it? I know it tastes alright, but so does lentil soup. I suppose it’s just people stuck in their ways. Why else would they insist on putting themselves at risk for early onset heart disease? Anyway, anyway, anyway, gelatin is gross.

No Energy:

All this week long there has been no sun. All it has done is rain and rain and rain. There has never been so much rain. Well there has, Iowa had these massive floods in the 90s. That was pretty bad. I was barely conscious of that, though. I remember my father going off to do sandbagging and the water was no longer potable so we had canned water. My grandmother always had some commemorative cans sitting on her desk. I always liked looking at then for some reason. Anyway, the weather is just dreadful. My garden, so beautifully tilled and seeded is now a pool. My seeds will surely rot. I’m very upset. But I’m not that upset because I don’t have enough energy to be upset. I’m miserable. I feel so gloomy. I feel sad and blue and almost melancholy. I need some more sunshine. There isn’t going to be sun until the middle of next week. I can’t handle this. All I do is mope and nap and mope and nap and I haven’t exercised in days. Thank Buddha I still have a few abs. Guys, it’s a fitness miracle.