MEN’S FASHION I LIKE #7

It’s time for more clothes and fancy outfits and handsome people! HOORAY!

First off, this is the townhouse of my dreams. Also: BURBERRY and chic umbrellas. Please become my life. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to have a wardrobe with Burberry pieces in it? I’d just die. Every day I would go into my walk in closet and gladly fondle the fabric.

Wasn’t really looking at the clothes on this one. How do people get to be so attractive?

I’ve told you before about the miracle of yellow pants. These ones are an entirely new level of divinity. Look at the fit! I need them like I need oxygen and chocolate.

This is how I feel all the time with my new kitten, Edna, handsome and exhausted. She does not calm down. Every other minute she’s attacking a new area of my body or trying to nurse an IKEA blanket. I’ve never had a cat do that before, so this is strange. I should bring her to work with me and wear her out before it’s time to go home and relax.

I am all about oxblood. I don’t call it burgundy or cranberry or merlot — it’s oxblood. Much like color blocking, this hue is something I’m never going to let go of. I have an oxblood jacket, oxblood tee, oxblood jeans, and an oxblood cardigan. I now need shoes and underwear and I’d have the entire ensemble. Does Andrew Christian make oxblood briefs? Bear with…bear with…they don’t! Somebody’s getting a letter. Maybe I’ll get free underwear? Fingers crossed. My friend is getting married later this year and I’m probably going to order an oxblood suit. I was leaning toward grey, but I don’t know. Dress pants worry me. I am completely and totally enamored of this color. With reason, I feel.

This is how I picture myself in my head no matter what I’m wearing. This gentleman is a model, he doesn’t live the lifestyle that is portrayed here, but that’s no matter. In my head, I feel like this is the kind of life that I’m supposed to be living. I wasn’t born for simple things, I was put here on the earth to experience the finer things in life — yachting in the Hampton’s, a Paris apartment, studying at Oxford, wearing designer labels all day long, learning how to fly a plane and then having a plane, just being effing luxurious.

I need these for next summer. I may actually have abs by then. I’m starting to worry more about my pathetic arms, though. Some people have chicken legs, but I think I have chicken arms, is that a thing? My legs are great. I could pull this off with aplomb. Good word that, aplomb, let’s say it together shall we? One…two…three…APLOMB! Oh, what fun we have.

I don’t understand why gentlemen here in America refuse to wear fashionable scarves. I tried wearing one the other day, but somebody asked if it was an ascot… When I lived in Paris, we all wore scarves. It was required. It wasn’t even cold, but you had to wear a scarf. Even though I’ll do anything for fashion, I don’t wear scarves, either, so I can’t blame them. I want this one, though. What is that? Denim. Chic.

Everything about this ensemble is perfection. Put it on me. I finally figured out how they make their cardigans look like vests, which thrilled me. Are you ready for me to blow your mind? Are you really ready? You’ll never look at a model the same way again. Okay, here it is: binder clips. Binder clips are the answer to everything.

I have all these pieces, perhaps I’ll dress like this on Monday. I already have my outfits planned for the rest of the week. Do you plan your outfits out in advance? It sounds a bit pretentious, but it really saves you a lot of stress and time. Tomorrow is a symphony of blue. Friday is supposed to be school spirit, but a part of me, the little part of me that is still around from high school, wants to dress all in black. I love wearing black.

I need the shoes! I don’t have any white shoes and this is a serious crime against my closet. I’ve got the rest of it. The jeans bother me, though, does this fellow not have any calves?

Denim on denim is always a win in my eyes. I used to be completely opposed to it, but it works and I do it regularly with glee. I used to have sunglasses like these but my mother borrowed them once, which is a death sentence — she broke them. I need to go find another pair. I try to stay out of Target, though, since they end up taking all my money.

This is how I imagine I’ll be dressed when I get off the ship in New York at the end of my transatlantic cruise next year. I must do that! I love a good skinny jean.

I need more pants. The ones that I have are getting worn out from a year of loving. I need these red ones and those yellow ones I mentioned before. I finally found a pair of khakis that kind of met my exacting standards, but they’re still a bit too baggy for me. I’ve been trying to shrink them in the washer and dryer, which is slowly working, but I just need to get all my pants done by a tailor.

This jacket looks amazingly comfortable and chic. I must get one in my wardrobe as soon as possible. It’s the perfect thing to wear in the autumn. Do you say autumn or fall? I think autumn is much more elegant. Mainly just because it lets you say autumnal.

So many layers! But so stylish!

Today was wacky day at work, and this is basically what my hair looked like. The most upsetting part of wacky day was that many of the children thought I was dressed normally. Harrumph. Harrumph I say!

I bought this tank before I left for California this summer. Then, I saw everybody wearing it and was exhausted that I had started yet another trend. This happens regularly. (Remember when I sewed a kitten pocket on a shirt and then all the hipsters had them?) I love this tank still and I wish it were possible to wear more often. I saw Joan Crawford’s house wearing it.

I need more stylish button up shirts. Elegant ones that are well fitted. I should teach myself how to take them in — slender waist, you know, the troubles I go through — it can’t be that hard, can it? Also, look at those socks!