Before I received my Apple TV, I assumed I would like it. I could stream things from my computer to the television. I could listen to my music on the television. Fantastic! But, I’ve fallen madly and deeply in love with it. It’s crazy. I use it all the time. The Netflix integration is beautiful and I’ve spent hours in my lounge, laughing at Hyacinth. Playing music through the television is also amazing. Do you know how loud I’ve listened to my friend, Beyoncé’s, “Partition?” So loud and so many times! It’s such fun! The song, and listening to the music. I love that it shows my photography as a screen saver. The Smithsonian Channel has intrigued me for many early hours of the morning. I watch this horrible woman on the PBS one and yell at her as she cooks. She’s the worst. I want to have a combination cooking/travel show on PBS. It’s kind of my dream. I would go around the world exploring pastries and vegetarian cuisine and then recreate it in my studio kitchen. It’d be a way of bringing the globe into your stomach. Plus, it’d be humorous, of course. Anyway, I love my Apple TV and I really don’t understand how I lived without it. When I finish remodeling my kitchen, I’m definitely hooking another one up in there. It’s just so convenient. It’s the future. The future is now!
I’m really enjoying being on the Tumblr, even though I really can’t understand it entirely. My sister does nothing but sit on it, writing little notes about these British nerds she loves and then people like it. WHY? It has forced me to live in a state of great confusion. In an attempt to attract new followers or fans — what are they are Tumblr? — I’ve started to post copious amounts of original photography. My life is really all about TRAVEL, so I decided to turn my Tumblr blog into a travel one. Turns out, I have hundreds of photographs from my excursions around the world. It also turns out that I’m a hella good photographer. I’m not going to be humble about it. I really love the way my pictures look. I think they’re sensational. My photographs are more important than any souvenir I could buy in a little village. A trinket is nice to sit on your mantle — I’m determined to have one of those — but a photograph is so much better. My television plays a slideshow of my pictures and I love reminiscing on all the various places I’ve been. This reminds me, I need a new camera. Mine is all right, but it has something wrong with the lens and there’s this little squiggle that shows up. Can’t have that when I’m in Europe (and maybe AFRICA) this summer, can I?
Guys, I’m crazy about tea. I’m basically British. I am British. Not really, but I think you can choose these things. Years and years and years ago, my father’s family lived in Cornwall near St. Ives — a beautiful and idyllic place I hope to see this summer when I’m in England. Foolishly, they left that gorgeous seaside area for America and for reasons that I still can’t fathom ended up in Iowa. I hope to correct that error someday. My sister and I have been talking about moving to England. Who knows if it’ll happen, but it’s nice to plan. Back to tea, though. I’ve been drinking tea for quite some time now, but it was never anything too elaborate — plop a bag in a mug, pour some boiling water over, imbibe. But now, I’ve gotten much more elaborate. I received some nice teacups for Christmas and I went out and bought a ceramic teapot (two actually, you can never be too well stocked in your kitchen — what if you have company that wants green tea when you’re wanting Earl Grey?) I didn’t think this would change me, but I’m a new person now. I brew a lovely pot of Lady Grey, put it on a tray with a nice cup and some sugar and a teaspoon and it’s elegant and I luxuriate in it and it’s perfect. Go get a teapot.
Red Eye Drops:
Why didn’t any of you tell me how wonderful these things were before? I’m pissed that it’s taken me so long to discover them. Lately, my eyes have been yellowy and veiny and I haven’t the slightest idea why. My eye doctor, who must be colorblind, looked at the whites of my eyes for the irksome yellowish pigmentation that plagues me, but claimed to see nothing. I squinted my yellowed eyes in annoyance and left without any treatment. Thus began my quest. I recalled these eye drops that I saw in France once. People were crazy about them. The drops were actually blue and were meant for dryness relief and also allegedly brightened your eyes. The blue coloring of the drops would counteract the red and yellow that are in most people’s eyes. I never could find it for sale here, though. I found one on Amazon, but it wasn’t the same one I was thinking of and the reviews were not at all favorable. So, last night at Walmart, I just picked up a bottle of red eye relief on a whim and put a drop in my eye this morning. Imagine my alarm and simultaneous delight when they brightened right up. I’m not sure how long this witchcraft will last, but it was delightful. I might well become addicted.
I don’t care what anybody says, I love me in a turtleneck. I have vague recollections of wearing them in the past — the most vibrant one is a black one that I wore in the fourth grade. That’s basically my only memory of that year. Oh wait, something’s coming back. We churned butter and one of my dumb classmates stole the pen I bought from the library. I hated her. After that, though, I don’t think I’ve worn a turtleneck since. I hadn’t really thought about them. Not until One Direction was on Saturday Night Live. My future husband, Zayn Malik, brought them back with a vengeance. IMPORTANT EVIDENCE INTERLUDE:
Oh god, I just noticed his shoes. SWEET GOD.
He wore the most dashing oxblood turtleneck with his black blazer and I swooned. I knew that I had to have one of my own. (For when we go out to dinner in matching outfits like Tom Daley and his boyfriend do. #ADORBS.) This was not simple. I went to every single shop in the Jordan Creek mall. EVERY SHOP. But there was not a turtleneck to be had in any color. Finally, I found one at J.C. Penny’s weeks later. Well I didn’t find it really, the elderly shop assistant thrust it into my hands and rang me up before I even had a chance to think about it. She was very good. She sold me a large. I don’t wear a large! It was massive on me. I looked ridiculous, I took it back. Thankfully, they had a small in stock and as I put it on, I transformed beautifully. Turtlenecks and I were meant to be together. I need to go back and get one in every single color. Long live the turtleneck.
As you surely know, since I’m complaining about my hair nonstop, you know that I’m growing it out. I will look beautiful and resplendent, but I haven’t any patience for this wonky in-between stage. I want it to be long now! I want to wrap my hair in the Chanel ribbons I’ve been saving exclusively for this moment! But, that isn’t to be for a few more months…maybe more. In the hopes of speeding up the process, I found a bunch of articles written by people with Pintrest-infused blogs about the marvels of conditioning your hair with an egg. Odd, I thought, but I gave it a go. HORRIBLE IDEA. First off, if you were luxuriantly bathing in the tub as I was, this is absolutely disgusting. When you rinse the egg out of your hair, it congeals in the hot water and begins to cook and it looks as if the tub is full of sperm, just loaded with sperm. Second off, it made my hair look awful. It was heavy and greasy and I couldn’t get it out. I washed my hair three times before it went back to normal. Now, after all that misery, my hair looks no different — it’s no stronger or longer — it’s just my awkward in-between length hair. What a fool I was! Why don’t I just get a weave?
My Lack of Motivation:
I am a person who is always doing something. I’m not known to loaf about. I couldn’t bear it. But lately, I just can’t find the inspiration anymore. I have been meaning to finish my kitchen for about half a year. It won’t take me more than a weekend to finish up the first stage of my remodel (three stages total: stage two involves the installation of a sliding door, sealing the window, and installing a new television; stage three involves a new refrigerator and the installation of new cupboards and appliances. SO MUCH MONEY.) I can’t understand why I don’t do it. It’s not hard. It won’t even take the entire weekend if I just do it, but I can’t! I will do anything else. But then I start doing something else, and I just don’t. It’s stupid. I can’t even be motivated to make my bed. I’ve had a Netflix movie since the eleventh of November. Will this be the day I finally watch it? Probably not. I have so many dreams and aspirations that are seriously in danger because of this dangerous mentality. I actually do want to be in the Olympics someday! (I know, hysterical!) But if I can’t even turn my treadmill on, how am I supposed to qualify to go to the Olympics and make Tom Daley realize it’s me he loves? I must do more things! Must not sleep ten hours a day! Must take showers!
Keeping Normal Hours:
When I have the opportunity, I like to keep the hours of a bat. You know, staying up all night, sleeping until the afternoon? It’s perfect for me, especially now when there’s such little daylight. Even when there’s daylight, there’s no point in being around for it. It’s about negative ten degrees every day. Over the Winter Break, I had a great time of staying up until a few hours past sunrise and sleeping until about one. It was just right. I love the small, quiet hours of the morning when there’s nobody but me around. I feel much more alert and active. I have a great time! But, now that work has started back up, I have to switch my circadian rhythms back to normal, which I hate. I’m not a fan of getting up and going to work. I need time to slowly assimilate to consciousness. I like to slowly blink, check Twitter, check Facebook, check Tumblr, check Instagram, then check Buzzfeed, then read my emails and then do it all over again before heading downstairs for a pot of tea. I don’t like being jarred awake and darting into the shower and rushing out the door. I suppose I could try and tweak my hours to a schedule that works better for me, but the truth is, I just hate sleeping. I don’t mind doing it, mind you. I just don’t like having to do it at a certain time. I much prefer just to wake up someplace wondering how I got there.
I do a fairly remarkable job of keeping myself surrounded by amusing people who don’t bother me and who I enjoy being around. Still, there are a few that drive me insane with their remarkable negativity. There is never a silver lining for them. Everything is always a sad song. It makes no sense to me since I’m not a person of this spirit. Every time you talk about an idea or a goal, they constantly go on and on about why it’s not going to happen or get stuck on some annoying detail about the situation. I can’t stand it, but I never do listen to them. I haven’t the time for that kind of nonsense. If I want to do something, I’m going to do it. If I’m going to go somewhere, I’m going to go. If I want to buy something, I’m going to buy it. I don’t understand why you’d want to live in such a miserable state of mind. Oh well, we all have people like this to annoy us.
Trying to Understand Egyptian Current Affairs:
All my life, I’ve loved Egypt, but my love has mainly been for its ancient history. I’ve studied hieroglyphic texts and temple ruins more than most working Egyptologists. It’s my thing. Sadly, though, I have been rather ignorant of modern Egypt. This is shameful, of course, since I fully believe in being well informed on every subject there is. I’ve been meaning to do this since the outbreak of unrest in my beloved nation when I watched the citizens of Cairo form a human ring around the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities — and I wept openly at their courage and love of their culture. I never did get around to actually learning about the cause or the reasonings behind this violence. I dated a guy for quite some time who was born in Cairo, but he never liked discussing his native country or the situation there — all he said was that it’s unpleasant. That did me no good. (Boys are dumb.) I’m seriously speculating a visit to this great country in the summer. Not the most ideal time to go, obviously, but how can I resist the temptation of a few days in Egypt? All my life has been leading up to it. I don’t know why I’ve never gone before. It’s always been so near when I’m in Europe, and I’m always in Europe — I have just never thought about it. Well, I’m much more serious this time. I have Arabic lessons on my iPhone, I bought a really nice guidebook a few days ago, and yesterday, I spent the majority of my time learning about the current political situation in Egypt. My research was rather depressing and I honestly don’t fully comprehend the motives behind both sides. It seems that the current military government is a relief to the people, but there are still many violations against people’s rights. There is a vote for a new constitution next week and with it, many people hope to have a more stable and safe Egypt without the influence of the Muslim Brotherhood. I still have more research to do, but I’m glad to have a better grasp of the situation. I can’t wait to make loads of new friends in Cairo and see the Pyramids!