Why Don’t You? #99



Why don’t you befriend people who handle doves for weddings and other celebrations? This is not a simple recommendation, and I wouldn’t recommend it if I hadn’t gone to a wedding show this weekend. My best friend and I held doves in exchange for cake! It was a thrilling moment.

And it was such fun! See if you can befriend a person who operates a pet shop or a lion reservation. Cuddle with beasts!


Why don’t you make a bucket list for travel ideas? It makes planning summer vacations so much simpler. My list is endless. So, I know it’ll take until long after I’m dead to complete them all, but I may as well die trying. Top of the list right now, aside from the usual Egypt and France, is a trip on the Trans-Siberian Railway all the way across Russia, Mongolia, and China. What fun. And then Buenos Aires. And Tokyo, Berlin, Prague, and literally everywhere.


Why don’t you cancel all of your plans tonight and sleep for an obscene number of hours? We’ve all got a tremendous sleep debt. Well I’m generalizing since my sleep is utter garbage, but I have doubt that you’re getting eight or nine hours a night. I get maybe four. Work plus college plus a life does not leave much time for sleep. So, cancel everything one night, take a swig of Zzzquil and visit dreamland for fifteen or so hours. It’ll do you a world of good!


Why don’t you go to a local ethnic grocery store and buy a bunch of stuff you’ve never heard of? You can make so many delicious things that you haven’t dreamed of with ingredients that you don’t know what you’re doing with. (What a sentence!) It might turn out like shit, but at least you’re being cultural. If anything, buy some bread or a candle. Live your best life. Eat stuff. Be merry.


Why don’t you get an amazing bed? Maybe a king sized one with a pillow top and then covered with good Egyptian cotton sheets? This is what I did when I decided to make my bedroom into a luxurious imitation of a room at the Chateau Marmont. That obscenely expensive night at the Chateau changed my life, and I want to live every day as if I am there. Create five-star opulence wherever you are. Live your best lives, reader.

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