THINGS I LOVED/HATED THIS WEEK #199

LOVE:

“The Cat’s Meow” Film:

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If I were interested in women, I think I would have been married at least half a dozen times already. I am captivated and enchanted by them, though I am not predisposed to falling for them. I don’t know what prompted me to lead with that statement, reader. It really has nothing to do with what is to follow. Few people, regardless of gender, thrill me more than Joanna Lumley. We have discussed her many times on this website. The woman can do anything, and everything that she does is divine. She’s Patsy, for God’s sake! Has there ever been a character more me in living history? The answer is a clear and obvious no. And even though I adore that fictional character, I worship the actual woman more. Her travel documentaries fill me with the grandest wanderlust, a tremendous statement for me to make as I hate words like wanderlust and adventure. Odd that, since those are things that I love as much as life itself. I just can’t stand how so many people on Instagram put up filtered images of themselves on a beach in Thailand and call it an adventure. Where is the adventure in a luxury resort? If they were saying “treat yourself” instead, I would do nothing but applaud them. I’m very off topic; I shall endeavor to return to my point. I love Joanna Lumley, and she could pull an Andy Warhol and film herself eating and I would call it genius. In the film, “The Cat’s Meow,” she plays a wealthy and successful celebrity gossip columnist. This is reason enough for me, but in the movie, she plays this character on the yacht of William Randolph Hearst, a tycoon of yesteryear. He enchants me particularly because I have visited his mansion several many times over the course of my life. Whenever I visit California, my cousin and I make a pilgrimage to his home high on the hill. It overlooks the Pacific and is easily one of the most beautiful spots to be in these United States. There are sumptuous guest houses and pools that look like they were imported from Ancient Rome. Everything is gilded and there is nothing but the best. Hearst was phenomenally interesting. The film itself, I must admit, was not really nearly as interesting. It revolves around a party aboard the yacht and when Hearst mistakenly murders a man he thought was having an affair with his wife. The acting was all superb, but there was no great spark of life in the film, well, that is aside from the divine Joanna. She imbued every scene with grace and charm and I worship her all the more. See it, reader, if you love her as I do. And if you don’t, well, get off my website.

iPhone X:

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I have loved everything about the latest and greatest iPhone from the moment it was announced. It filled me with the same envy and delight that the original one did a decade ago. I remember the announcement of the first iPhone vividly. I was in high school and the day that the device was announced I couldn’t wait to have a cell phone in my pocket the size of a deck of cards that had a touchscreen. Oh how times have changed. Back then, I just had a flip phone with a keypad. It couldn’t do anything. Don’t know what the point was. I never answer the phone anyway. Ever. Literally. Don’t call me. The iPhone changed my life when I finally got it. I could look anything up immediately, all the world was at my fingertips. And it had maps! The map is really what changed my life for the better. When I was living in Paris studying at Le Cordon Bleu, I literally drew maps in a notebook about where I needed to get to. Now I have a phone connected to a watch that buzzes when I need to turn. It’s great. Anyway, I finally have an iPhone X. It arrived yesterday and I obviously spent all evening getting acquainted with this remarkable piece of technology. I’m going to blather on endlessly about the features some other time, I suppose, since I really don’t know how interesting you’ll find any of this, but there is one thing that I delighted in. When I turned the phone on, all I had to do was sit my old one beside it to have all the settings transfer. After a spell, a lengthy one, too, when I held the iPhone X up for my face to unlock it — a phrase that would have been meaningless just years before — it looked identical to the iPhone 6 Plus that I have had beside me since the summer of 2015. And it worked so much faster! I am also obsessed with logging into the phone by looking at it. It’s the height of convenience to look at the phone and allow it to unlock for me. It’s kind of pointless, admittedly, but the fact that I can do it is wondrous. I spent a good hour unlocking it repeatedly. My favorite feature, though, by far, is something that I have dreamed of for years. You can charge the phone without plugging in in! You just lay it on a charging pad or lean it on a charging stand and it just charges. I bought a stand for it and spent another hour just laying to phone against it again and again. It was magical, reader. I never had to plug the phone in once, but it had all of my information and a full charge. I love everything about my new phone. It has once again made my life better than I thought it could be. I sometimes really love living in the future.

ALDI Chocolate:

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Look, at this point, I don’t know why I’m not the spokesperson for my favorite grocery store. It doesn’t make sense. I talk about them all the time, and I suggest a visit to everybody; I’m like a brand ambassador. That’s my new dream career, I think. I could travel internationally talking all about ALDI. All About ALDI… That might be the name of my web series, actually…god I’m a genius. Anyway, whenever I go shopping, I like to pick up something new. One of my staples is a bar of dark chocolate by Choceur. It’s remarkably creamy and delicious. Every single one that I have had has been delicious. When I was last there, there was a bunch of new stuff for the holidays, and I lost my mind. I bought everything that I certainly didn’t need. The chocolates that I procured where amazing. I bought dark chocolate truffles that are a bit firmer than the usual, but are still delightful. The real triumph, though, was a box of chocolate by a brand called Merci. Reader…oh my dear and darling readers. These little bars of chocolate are extraordinary. Truly, they taste like they came out of a fine chocolate shop in the middle of a little village in Switzerland. I can’t believe I can pick them up at a budget grocery store in the middle of the state in the middle of the country. We live in truly blessed times. The box that I picked up had several flavors, but the one stuffed with dark chocolate mousse was the best. I cackled merrily as I sat in bed eating chocolates and watching the Kardashians. I was getting fatter, getting nothing done, and doing no good for my workload, but I was living the definition of my very best life. Go to ALDI. Go now. Get there. You’ll love it.

“Fashion Police” Finale:

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After Joan Rivers passed away, I was a broken person. I’ve discussed this at length, so we shan’t get back into the details. Kathy Griffin stepped up to fill her shoes on Fashion Police, but it was never the same. It doesn’t matter how funny somebody is, nobody can compare to Joan. And I mean that with absolutely no disrespect to Kathy, I have seen her live, I have watched all of her specials shows, and I absolutely adore her. I can’t wait for her career to have a much deserved renaissance here in America. The furor over that photo shoot is absurd. Anyway, last week the very final episode of Fashion Police. I wasn’t planning on watching as I have not watched in years, but when I read that it was going to be a bit of a requiem for Joan, I had to tune in. I was joyously sniffly through the entire hour-long special. The cast spoke about their favorite Joan moments, there were flashbacks, there were clips that never aired, and there was an air of endless love and appreciation for Joan. It felt like she was there, her presence was so immense and powerful. I worship her, reader, so of course my impression is biased, but even with her in her coffin, this was one of the best episodes simply because of her. It’s easy to be sad and to linger with melancholy, but the hosts never let this happen. Of course they reflected and had their sad memories and reflections, but they carried on the cackles as they should have. Even the very ending, when Melissa was saying goodbye to the audience, which was meant to be a very serious moment, they broke into giggles. It was perfect. It’s what Joan would have wanted. I miss that woman so damn much.

My Glorious Return to Mexico:

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Every other year, my sister and I holiday in Europe for a lengthy refresher. It’s become a vital part of our psyche and cements our delusional belief that we’re heiresses. In 2018, we planned on touring Italy and lingering for a long time in Paris. Until about yesterday that was the plan, but unfortunately, this isn’t happening. Finances are tight for us both, so I suggested we go to Mexico City instead. I know that I just went, but in the two weeks I spent in that magical city, I barely scratched the surface. There are still so many great and wonderful things to see and do. I only climbed two and a half pyramids, after all! And I missed the Olmec room at the Anthropology Museum. And I certainly didn’t eat enough street food. My sister considered this and agreed that it would be a good alternative. I’m so eager to get back. The perfect apartment that I rented the last time was already booked, do we’re on the hunt for another. Sadly, the cats in the courtyard won’t be wherever we find, but I’m sure we will come across our own new favorites. I’m excited to show this city to Jessica and I hope that she falls as madly in love with it as I did. There’s really nothing so magical as wandering through the Zocalo in the decadent darkness. In January we will start our planning and finding flights and apartments and booking weekends in the rainforest. Until then, I’m going to brainstorm all the things I haven’t done and determine just how long I’m going to stay. I could, in all honesty, go for two months. I have the opportunity, I should have the resources, and the classes that I’m taking for my teaching license have already been planned to be taken online. Oh, it’ll be grand, reader! I will once again wander those beloved streets, and sooner too than I ever anticipated. I’ll miss Paris desperately, and I am always aching to return to Egypt, but for now, I must put that plan on hold. Still, if things work out as I want them to, I just might spend next Christmas in Luxor, luxuriating in my darling Sahara Desert whilst the American Midwest chills itself to the core. I really can’t wait. A couple weeks at the Winter Palace. Divine. It’ll all be fine and good. Reader, I just realized something…I might just go down to South America quick. Surely there’s a reasonable flight to somewhere from Mexico City! Cross another continent off the list!

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