Faux Tumblr: Installment 8

I guess Tumblr got sold or something and I don’t give a crap because I still haven’t given in and joined the Tumblr. I’m really quite proud of myself. Don’t worry, though, I love nothing more than wasting time so it’s only a matter of time before you see me there. I don’t really understand it, though, is it just a clipboard? Is it a blog? Is it both? Who cares. Let’s continue on with my series of faux tumblrs and have ourselves a good time.

Know how to have a good time? Listen to Beyoncé. Let’s do that:

Are you exhausted from the mandatory dancing? I am. Bleeding in my heels over here. I’m not wearing heels…can’t find any in my size. Where do drag queens buy their shoes? Are their shops? The only thing I know about drag queen shoes is the film Kinky Boots, which I heartily recommend — I hope to see the musical version this summer in New York City.

Anyway, onto the pictures.

Margot WoelkThis adorable old woman is one of Hitler’s food tasters. Who knew? Like all loons, he had a fear of dying, so he had all of his food tested to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. “The food was delicious, only the best vegetables, asparagus, bell peppers, everything you can imagine. And always with a side of rice or pasta. But this constant fear — we knew of all those poisoning rumors and could never enjoy the food. Every day we feared it was going to be our last meal.”

tumblr_mk138prybL1rjfg6fo1_500Preach.

tumblr_mi49tjQaoA1qcvpjno1_250These aren’t the chips that fill me with sadness, but it still applies. Kettle chips with sea salt and black pepper do it for me.

tumblr_mhupffIr4l1s2rr2eo1_500Superhero!

tumblr_mhb298y4KJ1qazkdco1_500Me. Every day.

tumblr_md6ej53HeS1r7ldovMe. After work. Every day.

tumblr_m53dgos6b01qj7lb4o1_500Exactly how I will teach my children to behave. They’re going to be hilariously inappropriate. Did somebody say Hitler mustaches and hooker makeup for Christmas cards? Well, I did.

tumblr_llptitS1Dh1qd2qh0o1_500YES!

mondrian_dessertart21_slide-c8d605b8e5e6c650aec5c946a947c1e8106371ef-s6-c10I am obsessed with this. Ever since I watched L’amour Fou, the documentary on Yves Saint Laurent, I’ve been trying to find an application for this classic Mondrian image like he did in his dress:

h2_C.I.69.23Isn’t it perfect? Topman made a men’s shirt, but that was some time ago and I can’t find one for sale anywhere. #sadface.

enhanced-buzz-wide-13630-1365672469-6Colonel Meow, my favorite of the Internet meme cats. He’s so wonderfully evil!

enhanced-buzz-19263-1366916674-1I’ve been waiting all year for this. HURRY UP, WEEKEND!

article-2322470-19B6EE7F000005DC-949_634x380I saw an article on this exercise the other day. I guess it takes all of seven minutes and really gets you worked up. I was going to try it, but then I remembered that I’m over exercising. No fun.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-29358-1363103051-12Me talking to the children at work.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-29145-1363102011-6I love this show so much.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-22290-1367856789-2This could well be a photo of me driving. Driving crazy, not a care, slightly leonine.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-12724-1363019399-1I did this once…it was only water, though. Not so impressive.

4_thumb[1]Completely my taste. I’ve been trying to find some classical busts to decorate with sunglasses and pimp jewelry. Not kidding.

1c8nwtt92py4wqjm9ksYCIwno1_400Oh sweet lord, it’s Karl!  And look behind him…the man who stole my life, Baptiste. Harumph. Harumph, I say!

tumblr_mlxn93ZYrP1s5628po1_400Again!

vienna_museum_int4I’d like to be served all of my meals here.

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