We went to Planet Fitness and one of the employees took us on a tour. She showed us all the exercise equipment which we politely nodded at, but she quickly became disgusted with us after she asked what our fitness goals were. “To be tan,” I replied, quite seriously. She scoffed somewhat but controlled her rage and gave us the tour of the massage chairs, tanning beds, and body vibrator things. This looked delightful so we signed up at once.
After many months, I’m back. Summer was decadent and glorious. Soon you’ll hear all about it! Monday: Why don’t you have a large picture of yourself printed up doing something […]
LOVE: Retina Displays: Never again will I willingly use a computer, tablet, or phone without a retina display. To use technology without them is to feel as though you regressed […]
LOVE: Record Players: For my latest spring cleaning project, I’ve been organizing my CD collection and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. Do I really need […]
LOVE: Hair Lightening Spray: Because winter won’t leave, I’ve been rather blue. I don’t operate well in these conditions, as I’m sure I’ve bored you by saying so a thousand […]
LOVE: Orville Redenbacher’s Simply Salted Popcorn: Growing up, I lived on microwave popcorn. I was obsessed and would have several bags a day. Then, I got over it. Not sure […]
This is the day I’ve been waiting years for. I have been waiting ever since Martha said on nearly every episode of my favorite show of all time, The Martha […]
I woke up terribly sore this morning. It must have been from all the standing yesterday at the Royal Wedding. My shoulders ached something fierce, but I popped some pills […]
Benjamin Phillips 